midday
midday
so i went into Ottumwa to get my blood drawn after my adventure with the doctor last night. I was glad that she included that step as I really didn’t want to have the experience of “hello, i’m doctor so and so, have some drugs”. I would really like this to be based on some real objective test results.
As I meneioned just before I went to bed last night, my dad called. I had spoken to him about the issues that had been happening. We had discussed the possibilty of my coming up to Michigan to stay with him if my current situation blew up in my face as it has been doing. As far as he is concerned, my life took a bad turn in my late teens when I discovered a certain herbal thing, and that it had never done me any good. I am cognizant, now, that I have most likely been self-medicating with that to take care whatever imbalance there is in my brain, albeit not always effectively. I have been away from that for several months now, and for the last year I have had much less than I had in the previous many years. I even feel that I might decide for myself to let the kids go have their fun in the garage without me, but only time will tell on that. The last couple times I haven’t enjoyed it in the same way I used to.
So about the intervention. I have occasionally wished for something like that, but it’s never necessarily what you really want. Clueless me didn’t even recognize it as such while it was happening, but the meeting that involved Jo, D and J was apparently intending to end with me leaving to go to the doctor or leaving to go … wherever, just as long as it was away. In the end, I chose to go to the doctor.
I must confess that I’m not entirely happy with the idea of a cabal of people who have been talking amongst themselves about what to do about the problem called “Bob”. It’s not entirely unlike the time when my ex wife Amy did this wonderful thing for my 39th birthday: she threw me a surprise birthday party. She did it really well, too, creating a yahoo mail group to coordinate who was doing what, setting up a decoy party at a friend’s house and a decoy “birthday dinner” with a few friends while the people gathered at the house. It turned out we needed to stop at the house to pick up one more thing before we went to the party, and that’s when the “SURPRISE!!!” moment happened. It took me several minutes, even after seeing the people whose house was supposed to be having the party i thought we were attending sitting on my couch. The party was great, but it really tweaked me for several days, maybe even weeks, that i had been so thoroughly hoodwinked, that i had no idea it was happening, that it had so completely surprised me. There’s probably something in this blog back in December 2000 about it.
Anyways, so having an intervention is a little bit like a birthday party except there is no cake, no presents, and nobody expects you to be happy that it’s happening. D and J are a couple I know here. The folks who have been “conspiring” for me to get some help for my issues believe that what’s been happening between Jo and me is similar to what has been happening to them. D (the lady in the marriage) had been out of control in many ways. She has been helped a lot by the drugs that she has been put on. They’d been fighting a lot, and she blamed much of the problems on him, but … time and circumstances have established that the issues are likely hers. At least that is the impression that I received.
Just before I sat down to write this, I had a conversation with Pastor Suzy on the phone. She has been talking to us about our issues and I was told she wanted an update. She said I had it somewhat differently than what she had heard, but she was glad to hear that I was doing well. I said that I am going into this with an open mind, obviously what I was doing wasn’t working.
Oh yeah, this morning I had two comments on this blog from people who are bipolar. Someone is reading this, people I don’t know and who are at least somewhat interested in it. Oh yeah, and I sent my father the web address of this blog, but i’m not sure that he will read it: all this web stuff seems to be confusing to him.