a very bad nightmare
a very bad nightmare
I was in an islamic country. I dont know how I got there. I don’t know what they wanted from me, but i was being held in a neighborhood. I was unable to move most of the time, and they used… i don’t know,shock, aucpunutre pressure poins, particularly two spots near my kidneys, to immobilize me. They would keep me from moving by…. doing something there. I realized that there are places on the human body, pressure points, etc, that if someone really knew what to do with a human body, they could do some horrible horrible things to someone wihtout having to exert a lot of force. or pressure. and that my captors were of this type of people.
I couldnt move, but it was not by being tied up.. or if i was, it wasn’t what was really keeping me there. my body wouldnt obey me. i couldnt talk, even though i wanted to. all i could get was the beginnings of syllables out. I dont know how long this went on, and I really don’t remember anything of my tormentors other than they were men.
I don’t know how long this went on, but eventually I got away, somehow. When I looked at myself, i was wearing tie dye, and i realized that i was not going ot get away. I eventually took off my shirt, and next I knew, i was wearing nothing but underwear. I ran, trying to find my way out. I was in a large backyard with very tall fences. I couldn’t even figure out how to get out of the yard. There were gates to other yards. I eventually found my way into another yard, where I hid in some bushes. I was trying to find my way to the street, but it seemed that all the yards just went to other yards. I remember seeing a street at one point, but i didn’t go out in it because I was still trying to keep from being seen, and realizing that I stuck out because I didnt have the same kind of clothes as everyone else. I remember thinking that there is somethign to having some dour, boring clothes.
I ended up finding a hole that i could crawl into, and it was like a root cellar, in which a woman there with a couple of kids. I dont know how there was light, but I could see a thin middle eastern woman and a few kids. I stayued there a little bit, but the next thing I knew, it was almost dawn, and I realized I was not going to be able to move during the day. I also realized that I was very recognizable. I asked her to clip off my hair (I had my long hair in the dream). She did this for me, but didnt have any clothes for me, so i think I tried to use my shirt as some kidn of head covering. I remember thanking the womanfor letting me stay there. I told the kids I could tell them a story, but I can’t remember what i told them, other than first saying that I was “hippy bob”, but then realizing my mistake, and telling them that they must never say my name to anyone. I think at this point i was commenting on the children’s clothes, and remember that one of them havingt pants that had the university of Michigan ‘M’ logo.
I also remember telling a story about the world trade center, that i had been there two years before 9/11, and that when I was a boy, my father had taken me to the site where they were building it, with a big hole in the ground where they were building it.
At some point i was in the house, with several women who i assumed were polygamous wives, and several children running around. they were willing to hide me, but were somewhat nervous about it. i remember one point being in a basement, and someone was doign laundry, and throwing the clothes over where I was hiding, and i realized that I was goint to be discovered if i stayed there because they would fold the clothes, or something.
i crawled out, and tried to hide again in the bushes. The other people there saw me, or had to, but ignored me. It was clear to me that these were the servants and that they were hiding me. I hung out in a bush by the corner of a house but was cold. Eventually someone gave me a piece of a tarp or something so I wouldnt be too cold, or obvious.
In this yard there was a horse, and there was a man who was doing yard work, shovelling stuff here and there. I considered stealing the horse, but I still didn’t know where I was, so wouldn’t know where to go. The man who was workign was also a white man, like myself. he was tall, and his skin was very dark and he wore a bandanna on his head. He was intentionally ignoring me, I think.
While I was hiding in this spot, I was eventually discovered by men with dogs. They weren’t particularly hostile to me, and they were westerners. I remember sitting there, and realizing i was caught, having a whole raft of emotions. I asked the first man if he had any opinion about torture, and he said nope, not really, and I wasnt sure, still, if i was being taken back to the torture place. Soon there were a lot more people, more “normal” people,westerners, who wanted to know where I had been, that they knew the place was nearby, and I said I didnt know if I could tell them, but it was close, less than a mile away. we were in an alley or something, and i remember looking up and seeing a lot of houses which were in construction: wooden construction where all you could see so far was the particle board/plywood, etc. At this point I guess i realize I was in america or something like it.
i asked for a hug from someone and got it, and before i knew it was in the middle of a group hug with a bunch of strangers. They wanted me to write down my name on this itty bitty clipboard that wasnt even rectangular, or really a clipboard. At this point I still thought all of this was real. There were a few other interactions, like when i saw someone smoking, and i said i wanted a cigarette. All he had was a cigar, and gave it to me. I tried to inhale it just in my mouth like i’ve heard, but of course I got some on my lungs and felt like i was going to throw up, and stumbled to another part of the yard where there was either a pile of junk, a fire, i don’t remember. It seems to me, writing this down now, that this is where the dream ended, but the next section probably was part of my flight part above but I can’t fit it into the narrative.
Next I was in a house again, with a bunch of women and children. There were even a couple of blond white women, dressed as in a harem or something - brightly colored satin. I remember telling a story about how i liked to go to stores and start up all the music boxes in an endcap. One of the women went into the bathroom and started a whole bunch of little music box jewelry boxes or something, asked “like that?” “EXACTLY”
during this point I wasn’t in fear any more, but i was joking with the white women.
One of them went into the bathroom house it, and someone asked me if i was going to watch, so i moved away from the door. I went back outside, i remember repeatedly running my hands over my head, missing my hair, there were some long pieces which had been missed, and they kept going into my eyes.
I think this is about where I woke up. When I woke up, I was in my bedroom and couldn’t believe it at first. Michelle was sleeping at my side. I stumbled into the living room, and decided I needed to write this down while it was still fresh in my mind. While I wrote this, I cried out loud at the ‘experience’. at one point i was cold and went into the bedroom and got my bathrobe, and asked if M was awake. She was. I said “I have just had the most horrible dream of my whole life” and came back out here to type some more. Michelle brought me some water at one point but I just don’t know what to make of this dream. It was so real, i can almost feel the places on my back where they did things to immobilize me.
I really don’t know what to make of this dream. I am calmer now, but when I started typing this, I was still very shaken and wondering if i would be able to work today. I think i’m gonna go have a cigarette and go back to bed for a bit. it’s 5:11 now.
Maybe not dreaming for years was a good thing if this is what I have been missing.