i need to unwind..
i need to unwind..
SO I’m chatting with a friend while at work.. I knew you couldn’t resist. So I’m going to a festival this weekend called Dionysia. I’ve been all over the map about how I feel about it because a dear friend, with whom i have shared some indiscretions, will be there. Don’t want things to be awkward. As of today, I don’t feel awkward any more. Why? Because I’m likely to be beaten there. I was raised Catholic, and the wooden spoon or a hand were favorite tools of discipline. I can only remember specifically a few of them: the time my mom broke the wooden spoon on me, the time that my dad spanked me in my bedroom with the window open and my friend was on the porch waiting to see if i was gonna go on some adventure, but I can’t remember very many more at this point. Michelle and I heard a version of “damn, they’re rough on that kid” when we visited Michigan last week. I’ve had a rough year or two, and part of the roughness has been my feelings, and occasionally feeling really “bad”. Not necessary to go into details, but I’ve occasionally had the idea that at some level there is a child-part of me that knows it’s been bad and just knows it is gonna get punished. Ever get told you’re gonna get punished later? which is worse, the anticipation or the punishment? I’ve had a couple of flogging experiences before.. at a party once, i was strapped to a cross for a half hour or so while a friend flogged me, and i wanted more when he decided i’d had enough. I ended up a bit bruised and it was a good idea that he stopped, but I wasn’t done. Problem is, I’m actually kind of a control freak. (did I just type that?) and I’ve never really been able to give over control in situations like that. So anyways, I’m chatting with a friend about stuff, and it comes up in conversation that she had this idea once that i just needed to be spanked or something and told to shape up. Funny thing, I said, I’ve had that idea before myself. After a conversation, we decide that that’s what we’ll do.