Letter To Laura

May 16, 2025

Dear Laura:

I’ve been thinking a lot about our friendship. I don’t know what I expect out of writing this letter, but it seems like i should write it if for no other reason to get it out of my head. I’ve rehearsed much of this in my head but not found it appropriate to say them to you. It’s probably still not appropriate to tell you, so I don’t know what I am going to do with this immediately.

I am inspired in part by your writing a note to Andrew when you “caught feelings”. He didn’t respond positively (or at all, as far as I know). As I say, this is as much for my peace of mind as any expectation of any action on your part.

I guess it’s safe to say that I’ve caught feelings for you. I have said “I love you” at least a couple times, and it’s true. I really enjoy your company, I love the conversations we get into and the times we have shared together. As the lady said, we are such a cute couple.I have flirted shamelessly with you, and so far you don’t seem to mind.

FInding someone that I can talk to about just about anything isn’t unprecedented, but it definitely gets my attention. I am interested in spending as much time around you as I can. I like the times watching movies, drinking beers, making food, helping with your housekeeping… You have to admit, that we do a lot of what would be considered “couple” things.

You’ve said that you aren’t interested in sharing, and there is an argument that you aren’t exactly sharing me even now. I spend much more time around you than Marie. My relationship with her has shifted a little in the last 6-12 months. While we have been lovers, it hasn’t been frequent or even regular and we haven’t done anything like that in at least 6 months. Part of the reason has been her process of moving out of her apartment and she’s been unavailable. She did mention once that she was a little jealous of the time we (you and I) have been spending, at the same time realizing that she hasn’t been available.

I love you, and I wish to have more of a normal “relationsip” than we have. I find you attractive in “that” way, while recognizing the age gap. You’ve said that is the issue for you. Unfortunately, there is fuck all that I can do about it. I am probably not what you are looking for in a partner. You’d rather be involved with a woman. I’ve seen what thati looks like, especially with my ill-fated relationship with Jewels. I don’t know what she saw in me that had her go for me, and ultimately I am sure she ended up with a (or several, if memory serves) women and men after we broke up. Last time I talked to her was 1996, so…

I have considered what it would look like. The following is predicated on somehow getting past your being involved with someone who is older than you:

While you are not interested in sharing, I believe that if we were “together” I could share you if you wanted to date a woman while being in a relationship with me. We have some different friends and interests, and I’ve engaged as much as I can in the ones that you want to share - concerts, food, tv shows, etc. I’d love to share the parts of my life that haven’t included you so far.

I have considered the implications… Whomever you find to spend your time with, you’ve gotten used to living on your own, calling your own shots with your home. I’ve had similar, even though Joe and I share an apartment, most of it is under my control. Would I want to move in with you? No, I don’t think it would work in your current situation.

I have considered the future, however. I figure that at some point you might want to have a place that isn’t an apartment. Like a house. I could see an “us” that shared a place like that, where I would have my man-spaces like basement or garage workshop.

Why would you want to be with me? I believe you like me well enough, but I guess not in “that way”. I have something to offer in a relationship. I’m not going to say that nobody can love you like I do. I’m nothing special, i’m a multiply divorced boomer, but I would do anything for you. I think we would have fun together as sexual partners. I’m interested in being part of whatever your life is.

But all of this is academic - you’re involved with Ryan, and I suspect you have your eyes on Tegan. You’ve said “definitively” no to me. Maybe i’m stubborn, but I hear that as “not now”. I’m good with that. I believe that it could change over time - as you are older, it might not seem as weird. Whatever happens, I want to continue to be your friend. If nothing else, we are still a great couple who just don’t happen to be sexual.

-bob

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